Being truthful to myself, embracing myself

 If you read my previous post on realizing and accepting that we are in a phase of suffering, then the obvious intention would be to get out of that suffering. 

But like I mentioned in that post, there is some work to be done.

In my personal experience, the first challenge that I have felt is - Just talking to myself

I had a conversation with my sister and she said she was surprised that I found it only now that I could do this anytime I want.

Thus one of the most important realizations that I got recently was 

Don't be shy and embarrassed to sit with yourself and talk to yourself. No one can be truthful to you as much as you can be truthful to yourself.

But what does this mean?

How do I sit with myself? And what do I talk to myself? And if you are like me you would face another challenge, "Why does just spending time with myself feels so hard and awkward ?"

Through some studies and spiritual talks, I found that loneliness and lack of knowledge of self-love is the primary reason. I will try to look at my own feelings of loneliness in another series of posts.

But in this post, I want to point out some pratical tips that I feel useful to just talking to oneself. 

1. Just take a pen and paper 

In my experience, whats more crucial is we can somehow document or journal what we feel and our journey. Sometimes it can be just to ourself. Sometimes it can be a private and invite only blog like this one. But the most important is 

We have to note down our own personality and visualize ourselves and connect various dots.

And I have felt that, creating just images and pictures in mind easily dissolve and cannot help us focus when we do the next steps.

2. Start writing down things you fear or worry

It's as simple as that. Just think to yourself and write down anything that worries you.

For me most of the times the biggest worries were simple ones - Can I do my job properly ? Can I finish my degree in time ? Will I pass my exams ? Will I get a good job ?

And also many a times very deeper questions- Will I be alone forever ?, How can I live till the end of my life alone ?

The idea is to not hold back or be embarrased. It can be any fear or worry that comes to your mind.

3. Start writing down your insecurities.

Again very simple. Just write down.

As an example my insecurities looked like - Why am I not getting things I want ? Am I not lovable ? Why do girls find me unattractive ? Why is some other guy being successful and has the woman of my dreams but I dont ?

I know most of them look childish and to be honest, for a long period of time I was just being ignorant of all these insecurities within myself. 

Untill we can identify our own insecurities, no one can.  

Insecurity can range from lust, envy, jealous to more hate oriented thoughts. Just dont cling to any identity and write whatever you identify with or could trigger you. 

4. Write about important people 

People are the biggest influences in our lives. We are never mostly completely free. 

Our emotions, feelings and state of mind hugely depend on what happens outside. 

And one of the important things I feel is just writing down important people and what you associate with them.

They can be from the present but also importantly past or future.

For example, I used to write this for my sister

Sister - In first twenty years of our life, I hurt her a lot more than I loved her. I have made her feel down many times through my words and action. Therefore I care more about her now.

And for my mother

Mother- My mother has taken very good care of me. But I never got the chance to give her a break and period of enjoyment. I dont know how well I can take care of her in the future.

And also it can be someone that broke your trust or heart in that past. Dont be shy to write down the name of person and what you associate with them.

Even if they misbehaved with you or did something unforgivable to you, write down their names and the most important feeling that you associate with them.

And if you are thankful or grateful to have someone in your life, also write about them and those points.

5. The things that make you happy 

And to end things on a positive note, write things that make you happy. It can be anything.

However, I would like to share that not everything that makes us happy are actual happiness. Some times it can just disguised pride or excitement or ego that makes us feel happy. 

For example, whenever I used to win an argument, I thought I was happy. But it was just my ego and arrogance getting a boost.

We will look at these later, but for now whats important is writing down all things that could make us happy.

It could be like watching a movie, eating good food, spending time with your lover or friends and even more wider ones like acheiving something, receiving praise and so on. 

This I guess, is the first step in knowing ourselves. 

Trust me, I never get the list right. Even if I get it right, the way I address them sometimes doesnt completely help me solve it.

I have found that this is always a work in progress.

We may make mistakes in the way. Some people will not like it and let go of us. 

The ones who truly love us will appreciate for the positive growth that we do. And the first person to appreciate ourselves should be us.

 And one of the questions I got myself was - Should I not accept myself for who I am ? Why do I need to do this ?

This is true. The whole point of loving ourselves is accepting ourselves and the life that we got. Maybe its not the way we want ourselves and our lives to be but that's just the way it turned out to be. 

Whats important is we can address the negative emotions. 

The whole point is not to be a critic or a trainer for ourself. But somehow put in some work and see whats happening in our mind and evaluate if its good or bad for us, without any bias.